Sunday, July 28, 2013

The Revolution is Mobile !!! Nintendo's Game Boy !

On July 31st 1989 I was 13 years old and Nintendo once again had lit the fires to the torches that would  lead the Video Game Revolution all the way in to the next millennium. Nintendo's popular line of Game & Watch handhelds had been selling quite steadily for almost tens years but their creator Gunpei Yokoi now head of Nintendo's Research and Development - 1 knew that when viewed along side the experiences offered at home they did not compare. Yokoi and team were intrusted with heading up Nintendo's new product. The philosophy Gunpei had used in creating the G&M handhelds would continue here, using older yet familiar tech in new & inventive ways he would create a worthy device that could be enjoyed by the masses in having a price point as pleasing and accessible as the games themselves . Using a LCD screen that only displayed 4 shades of grey not only kept the costs down but the battery life was more than acceptable running on 4 AA, some Nintendo Execs had pushed Yokoi to use a color screen but the competition later proved his point when the need for more batteries was found  totally unacceptable by kids that hated having to both change them and ask their parents for more. Another concept brought to the Game Boy was "familiarity" kids already were familiar with the A and B buttons as well as the start and select so why not utilize this, the D- Pad that Gunpei created for the Game & Watches and the NES also made an appearance which helped keep the profile of the unit flat. A single adjustable Mono speaker was used instead of stereo but a head phone port was added and a contrast dial allowed picture clarity to be changed due to the users light availability. Nintendo capitalized further by having ports of its own hit game series on the unit and getting its outside developers involved was easy since the technology was not cutting edge nor unfamiliar, many developers followed the big N's lead and ported NES titles over or made sequels. Both Metroid and the Legend of Zelda released sequels that are part of their chronology.






The Game boy was Lunched in Japan on April 21 1989 with the titles available being Super Mario Land, Alleyway( Nintendo's Arkanoid ), Yukuman ( Mahjong ) and Baseball ( A Baseball game duh) The Game Boy sold 300,000 units its first day in Japan. The N.American release was several months later on July 31st 1989 launching with the same titles plus the packed in Tetris and Tennis and yet in the first few weeks sold out its entire shipment of 1 MILLION Game Boys. Over the first few years the sales continued to soar and many add-ons & attachments were sold by Nintendo and other developers such as lights and cameras and printers.






I recently got a bunch of Game Boys that needed TLC and that I plan to Give Away as Prizes check out the video below.



In 1989 I was a 13 year old lad and spoon fed the Comic book ads and TV adverts and not to mention the bombardment of information published and delivered to my door by Nintendo Power so naturally by September I had to have one. I was very strategic about the things I asked my folks for I never wasted any of their kindness on frivolous items or fads and really tried to just plead for things as birthday or christmas gifts or even combined since the two were 5 days apart. When I walked up to my towering father armed with literature from Nintendo Power and using words & terms like "Dot Matrix" and "on the go" I was met with this... " Does it play the Nintendo games you already have ? " I answered "UM no" and it was returned with " Well I cant see spending money on another gaming system and the games aren't cheap you know, Im sorry but No" ....... even though I was devastated I knew he was right .... from his prospective a man who had only just been introduced to gaming through a child it was a fad that could crash again like in 1983 and how many games or devices does a kid need ( Whoa stop yelling !! I hear you but thats now this was then ). So I did the only thing I could... something had never really done on such a scale before then.... SAVE AND BUY MY OWN GAME BOY !!! At dinner that night I told my folks my plan and asked if they minded if I had one as long as I paid for it myself... Im sure they probably looked at each other and laughed in the inside but they said it was fine with them. That night I tore out the Toys R Us catalog page that had the price printed in large black numbers next to the picture of the Game Boy, if I were to ever own one I need to save $89 dollars and 99 cents I didn't know about Tax or didn't realize it applied here. At Christmas time the week of my Birthday I went with my Mom and Dad to go visit my cousins and God Parents ( whom always seemed to want me and my cousin to have the same item at Xmas) I walked in the door and my Aunt wanted me to open my present in front of her so she handed me a small but heavy box that held a miniature Black and White Sony TV called a Watchman with a 2x2 inch screen, Holy Sh*t a Tv that I could walk a round with I didn't know this existed so dope !! Just as I finished thanking her with a big grin and hug for this gift that seemed over the top for a kid my age  my cousin walked by with a distracted hello as his attention was focused in his hands at the gray box of my desires....  a Game Boy (I hadn't even seen or touched one at this point ) My Aunt then looked over at me still staring in wonder at my cousin and said " Yeah we were just about to buy you one but your mom told us that you wanted to buy it on your own"....... I turned and looked up at my mother and for the first time ever contemplated asking her what I had done to make her hate me.

 Hey I was a child and emotions where rough, but around the end of January beginning February I had saved enough money !!! My very sweet Mother had agreed to drive me one monday after school to Toys R Us I ran straight home and off we were. Toys R Us had an annoying Ticket anti theft system where you went to the section grabbed the ticket for an electronics item and they would relinquish it after payment. I remember running ahead through the store to the games section to grab the Ticket that would net me may Game Boy, as I stood there smiling and bouncing up an down with ticket in hand my Mom walked up and told me that I had forgot to add in Tax for the purchase ... my heart stopped .........  Smiling down at me she told me she would cover the evil tax and buy me one game too boot !!!  I quickly hugged the patron saint of gamers that stood before me and ran around the isle to the games wall and found the incredibly small  Game Boy section at the bottom and reached to find Super Mario Land was sold out.... Solar striker ( a shooter) sold out ..... Alley way..... Yup sold out and even Baseball sold out. I went home that day in my Mother's green Ford Pinto staring at my Game Boy firmly in one hand and occasionally glancing at a copy of Tennis in my other.

Whoa is that what I looked like ?

check out the extra battery pack 

A bootleg of the Light Boy attachment


The Game Boy has been though many changes over the years and never once been in danger of losing its title as King to any competitor not the Sega Game Gear or Atari Lynx that went directly against Gunpei's Ideals and had both color screens and modern processors but suffered inflated price tags just under 200 dollars (same cost as a NES) and NO battery life. The Turbo Express that played the same games as its Home Console the Turbo Grafix 16 giving you an instant library was thought to take down the lil' Grey Boy but at $300 and only a year after the Game Boy's release not many were willing to pay the hefty price. In 1999 Neo Geo looked to jump in the portable market but for a company that was about to be sold it had no money to dump into advertising, despite that fact that Neo Geo Pocket Color cost only $70 and boasted some of the best portable fighting games ever made like SNK vs CAPCOM its was a failure. 

After his many sucesses Gunpei Yokoi had finally felt failure when he was pressured to prematurely  release the Virtual Boy in order to make profits for developing  the coming N64 and soon after resigned from Nintendo in 1996 and in 1997 he worked on the Wonder Swan handheld system for Bandai right before his unfortunate death in a Car accident. Yokoi and another bussiness man stepped out of their cars to inspect them after a very small fender bender when they were struck buy another car. The Wonder Swan was released in 1999 without Yokoi ever seeing it finished and was also no match for the his former Creation. Any system that tried to stand its ground would lose because by 1996 Nintendo had changed the the landscape yet again and introduced Poke'mon to the world. Love it or hate it Poke'mon changed portable gaming its probably the singular most owned and played portable game in existence and is still going. The Game Boy lead the way for 15 long years with revisions like the Game Boy Pocket, Light, Color, Advance. SP and Micro until Nintendo finally put the name Game Boy to rest in 2004 with then introduction of the DS a new system also based of Gunpei's first creation the Game&Watch Double Screen. People still inspired by the OG Game Boy have made DIY versions of other consoles portable, improving the Game Boy with back lit screen mods  and theres even a whole genre of people making music with the Grey Bricks.  The Portable gaming world owes its existence to the Game Boy and in turn Nintendo as do we ALL owe portable gaming to Gunpei Yokoi a man whom mark will forever be felt on the world and a name we should all say out loud at least once..... Gunpei Yokoi.


Gunpei Yokoi

Game Boy Micro





For playing at home on SNES





Advance SP one of my favorites


Please free free to email The Final Boss any Stories you may have about your past history with the Game Boy in its many versions and we can share them with each other... Also let it be Known that by now the Contest winners from the Famicom Disk article have received their prizes, I shipped out a Original Game Boy to one and a  8-Bit Castlevania painting and Famicom game to another. Prizes reflect what I have in stock and what you don't already own if I can help it. No one has met the City Connection Challenge so that will end with no winner. Below are shots of some of the Game Boys I received and the super strange packaging. And keep your eyes peeled for up coming challenges and contests. 

the Castlevania painting... by me.

Um WTF ?!?!

This is 3hours of my life


detailed cleaning





Monday, July 22, 2013

Game Hunting: Ep 2 -Beat the Heat !!

Friday night once again and it was sooo EFFing hot all week in NYC, temperatures hung in the high 90s while it felt like 105. Most people couldn't wait for the weekend to hide indoors in front of the precious AC (which I do love myself). Like many I work out side and had no reprieve from the heat all week but the weekend called for a pick me up, one that could not be found in a bottle but in OLD plastic casings from a far away land ...... Retro Gaming  !!! So my buddy Jay and I ( sup Jay!) Shot in to Manhattan and fought off the repeated attacks from asshole cabbies and Jersey drivers to make our way to Video Games New York which at this point deserves its own article (coming soooon...like the Goonies article ?.... ohhh too soon Finisher ? I think fighting with yourself is a sign of insanity ) Soo a block from the store Jay remembers that while VGNY is a Fu*king awesome spot with people I call friends at the Helm it has a lil draw back ..... Nooooo AC or even how do you call it ummm AIR! I Love VGNY but the tightly packed store lined with showcases and display lighting floor to ceiling makes me sweat in even winter, I have a ritual where I start striping a block away in DECEMBER .
But the feeling of being surrounded by Retro Gaming History is worth it we had planed to jump in and out for One Item each but like the Sarlac pit in Jedi its hold proves too great for even the Mighty Boba Fett to escape ( NERD !!) Below is a Video of what was bought...and a second video alll the way at bottom .......





Half the Ps2 games ... yup Half !

What do you guys sell?

ahhh MECCA

See  if those two can be friends ...

These are the Nes Famicom SNES and Super Fami games under 10 bucks
the others are behind me in 2  huge cases



I swear I didn't even realize I was Buying all Nintendo Console items ... weird but kool !

Below is a short Video of a Great Bargain I found online this past week




Saturday, July 20, 2013

City Un-Connected


  Welcome back ! Are you still playing those Nintendo games like we talked about? Well Good !( And if not ..FOR SHAME)
This week were gonna take a Look back to 1985 at a Jaleco release entitled ..Drum roll please .....
"CITY CONNECTION" !!!!

Who made this hmmmm I give up? Jaleco maybe ?

Back Art SWEET !!!


For those that aren't familiar with the game it was a great Arcade release built on fun and high replay value that was easily ported to the home consoles and PC. Anyone who has played it would probably list it among titles like Donkey Kong, Joust, Dig Dug, Bomber man and yes even  Bubble FU*KING Bobble.

City Connection is a  Platform Driving game that can be played alone or with 2 Player mode passing off the controller in turn. The story of the game is that you play as Clarice a young girl that is trying to drive across as many Cities as she can and to prove she's been there she vandalizes the streets by painting a line down them. In the N.American release the character is change to a Man in true western sexist fashion, Good job Equality Freedom seeking America. Small fun fact the car is a Honda City quite the popular lil car that never made it state side back when, also a version was even available with a 50cc mini bike in the trunk... AWESOME !!!




The game is unique as not many " Driving Platformers  " exist in the world of gaming. The car can not be stopped once the stage starts it can only be slightly accelerated from its already quick pace. In the defensive area you have the ability to perform a normal or high jump, do a 180 E-brake turn or fire oil cans that you collect. These abilities come in handy as you attempt to help Clarice leave her mark blocking her way are of course several enemy types. Cop Cars spin out of control when hit with the afore mentioned oil cans and then can be safely bumped off screen, Cats randomly appear and must be avoided with either the E-turn or jumping and finally spikes appear from the ground if you linger on a platform to long. Hitting the cop cars or spikes with your Honda cause the car to explode taking a life but hitting the cats send them flying off screen taking a life from you as well ? I guess killing the cats makes Clarice so upset she kills her self ? Anyone ?


A modern Cell Phone version came out recently.
The girl on the left is dressed like Terry Bogard from Fatal Fury.
b
I WANT ONE !!!


The game defiantly stood out at the time for many reasons another of which was the Backgrounds of each of the 12 Stages was different a different real city in fact. Yes there are only 12 Stages but they do present a good challenge as I could not get through all of them for the article play through...( hangs head in shame ) Yes I the Finisher was stumped but I will not give up as I did as a child for I know that I CAN and WILL beat any challenge set against me...just not in 2 days....Im sorry.... the Wii U is having a very bad influence on me lately... its that damn New Super Mario Bros U its pressuring me to play it nightly. Seriously the game is a good fun challenge that as soon as im done at the keyboard I will return to, the stages vary in layout and like I said many Famous Cities appear in the background such as NYC, London, Paris and even Easter Island....what I didn't make the game. The Police Cars even change style completely from Stage to Stage to match the host City. The controls are that sort of  early gaming era style in which the programers didn't try to pin hole you to much in parameters its got so much leeway for creativity that I don't think they even realized it. For instance you can 180 turn back and forth the whole way down the screen changing direction up to the last second or jumping and suddenly180 turning to avoid collisions or redirect toward the games only power up the Red Balloon. The oil cans are standard as they are ammo but the Red Balloon is a Power Up that once 3 are collected can warp you ahead to a random city, the 3 Balloons are usually not all collected on one stage its across several stages so be patient. The game has no true ending in that classic early 80's Arcade fashion it repeats after the 12 cities are played through unfortunately with out any Congratulations screen either.



An accurate simulator of New York driving

Police 4x4s !


That Darn Cat !!! wheres Christina Ricci ?
fg
Borrowed screenshot as I forgot a London one at print

Clarice !!! She rocks !!
Soo we can't play as a Girl ... but as the Guy we can smoke?
Right..... Good job Nintendo of America.

The NES and Famicom version are easy to find at fair price and the Arcade is worth a play too so check out a solid Classic you may have missed and if you beat it before me .... well maybe theres a "Prize" in it for yah.... no cheating game genies. Send me a photo of the Nes or Famicom 12th stage by next Saturday Noon NYC time. Email us at Finalboss1337@gmail.com

Monday, July 15, 2013

Play it Loud !!!


30 years ago on this very day July 15th the Nintendo Family Computer was released and soon after the American NES and the gaming industry, the entertainment markets, the World and OUR childhoods were never the same.

So on this day this go forth and dig out the NES and blow off the dusty pins, pull the Game Boy Colors out of the desk with Pokemon yellow jammed in them and change the batteries with out shame , go to the damp dank basement at your folks house and grab that yellowed SNES and that copy of Street Fighter II Turbo, reach deep and pull the N64 with Mario Kart and Golden Eye from the back of the closet behind the porn and bongs, sneak in to your Lil' Brother's room and snatch that Wii you scoffed at for be way too "Kiddie, Hell be proud and dig out that Game Cube an call up the lads and ladies for a round of SUPER SMASH BROS !!!! For this shall be known as Nintendo Day !! NO !! This be Nintendo WEEK !!! Play the systems that made you the gamers and people that you are and were  before we had been wooed away by sub par companies with flashy gore and shocking sex. Play the classics tonight and tomorrow and maybe you'll remember and play next week too and the following as well and maybe just maybe you'll still be playing in December when  SUPER MARIO 3D WORLD comes out on Wii U.

Send this to a friend or two tonight txt it facebook, tweet and email it and let's all go forth and PLAY IT LOUD PLAY IT PROUD AND REMEMBER,  NOW YOUR PLAYING WITH POWER .......NINTENDO POWER !!!!!





Saturday, July 13, 2013

KUNG FU / SPARTAN X … Call it what you want its Awesome !!!

Welcome back ! This week we played Spartan X !! What's that you've never heard of it ?
Thats preposterous ! Well I say you have and the majority of those reading this probably played it loved it or even owned it !! 

Spartan X is known in N.America and most of Europe as...wait for it.....KUNG FU !! or Kung fu Master... The name game is a long one with this classic title so lets just dive right in shall we. In 1984 in a little place called Hong Kong Jackie Chan ... thats right I said Jackie Chan , whats that? Oh now your interested are ye alright soo Jackie Chan was appearing in "Wheels on Meals" a film who's title was rearranged by the studio heads as their last 2 films starting with "M" flopped. They needed not worry for this one though as it was the 3rd film in the original "Lucky Stars Series" a series of films that only were related by the fact that the 3 biggest Hong Kong action stars were in them Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao and Jackie Chan. The films success caused Japanese game developer IREM to leap at the opportunity to create an arcade game. The arcade game was a hit and the ports sold well due its popularity, but the game would be called Spartan X due to the fact that in Japan the movie was renamed Spartan X (this happens with import kung fu films). Data East brought it to N.America and europe and renamed it Kung Fu Master. Nintendo saw it as a hot title and got the License from IREM and published it themselves using the Spartan X name at home but here overseas calling it simply Kung Fu to both avoid legal action from Data East and not lose link to the Arcade version for sales.
Wheels on Meals Movie Poster, one of many styles 

American arcade Flyer



Japanese Arcade Flyer with Movie photos Tie In


Kung Fu was one of the first games I had for my Nintendo. I recently realized most of my NES games were ports of arcade games that I absolutely loved and Kung Fu was no exception. As an American child in the 80's I absolutely loved martial arts ( Not Chuck Norris though sorry Chuck ). Kung Fu was a game that I dumped quarters in almost daily across the street at Napoli Pizzeria. So when I got a Nes and saw there was home version of one of my favorite games I had to make it a birthday begging priority ( Now believe it or not Pokemon generation there was a time when kids got only one game a year if lucky) I still remember being so happy to play it and not even noticing any of the small  differances between the aracde and Nes. The game has remained a favorite of mine since. Over the years I had heard that the original title was Spartan X and even was told that there was a movie it was based off of ( again poke trainers this is what life was like pre google... I prefer to yahoo ). Time has passed information has been gathered and checked using the inter web and blah blah blah yah yah on to the game ......

NES Box version, whats with the * did he use steroids?

Spartan X the game like Micheal Jackson's kids hold no resemblance to its name sake. The movie is about Thomas (Chan) and his cousin David (Biao) whom own and operate a gourmet  high tech Chinese food truck in Barcelona. They make money during the day selling in a tourist area as Jackie Chan skateboards as a waiter and then at night run a cheaper cart version of the truck in a red light district with hookers offering them freebies for all the spring rolls they gave away. They go to vist David's father in a mental institution and meet his fiancĂ© and run in to her gorgeous daughter Sylvia whom David falls in love with on sight. Sammo Huang shows up as private eye with a Jheri Curl  "Moby" who is looking for Sylvia as her mother was raped (not kidding) by a rich dead Count making her the only heir in a bastard uncles way of keeping the families fortune. Bastard uncle wants her dead Thomas an David try to save her fight uncles army of henchmen yada yada yada NONE of this happens in the game except the fact that you play as a guy named Thomas that looks nothing like Chans character and you save a girl named Sylvia. The game takes place in a giant pagoda the movie ends in a spanish castle ? The game's setting more closely resembles Bruce Lee's Famous "Game of Death" his final film in which he ascends a Pagoda and stops at each level to fight a different specialized Martial Art Master...WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO IN THIS GAME !!!!!!! This is probably the only movie game adaptation on the NES that even gone wrong  is still a great game. Oh right I said on to the game....

                                      

It was one of my first NES carts and its one of my first Famicom too

I love personalized carts

Has nothing to do with the Movie but its great art 


Normally I play the games in my Famicom for the feel of what it was like on the original system, not this time. I pop the cartridge in to my Famiclone (fake NES with home made converter) because I wish to play it as I did when I was a kid with my trusty NES Advantage... turbo dials cranked all the way up !! This was one of the games that made that a well begged for Birthday gift.

choices !

An old Friend 

As you start the first level a great little jingle that leads in to the stage music lets you know that "Its On!" Creepy purple pajama  wearing perverts come running at you in groups and when they get close enough grab on and don't let go till they wrestle you to the floor where after the screen goes black I assume they violate you. So in a mighty effort to not let that happen you are equipped with the B button for long rage safe distance kicks  standing, jumping and sweeping or the A button with its short range but more powerful punches at all heights. Moving quickly along the stage to the left brings me face to face with the grabbers which I gleefully watch fall to my "turbo speed" punches which not only are stronger then kicks but net me double points. The First level is filled with random groupings of grabbers  which are taken down with one hit each and the occasional blue and white clad knife thrower which can alternate his throws low or high, dodging them is easy enough as I move in for the kill he is dropped with several fast punches. Part of what makes this a great game is the sound effects, the screams of Hiyah from Thomas or the sound the hits make as they connect echoing in your ear. As you progress though the game the enemies will constantly be dispatched from off screen on either end if you were to just stop moving and attempt to fight them all swarm after swarm would move in until the timer counts down to zero ending your life. At the end of the level is the First Boss the Stick Fighter he is a quick man wielding a Tonfu (stick) the key to dropping his life bar and beating him is using punches up real close as he must back up to use his ranged weapon... something I painfully learned slow as a child. When he is defeated he cries out in digital pain and fall off screen as Thomas walks up the stairs behind him and ascends to the next level.

Hey hey hey watch the hands

I said no creeps !!




You might notice the repeated white signs on each level displaying chinese characters changing as you progress these are numbers marking how far away the are stairs, there are 5 signs the 5th is above the Bosses. The game uses the same backdrop the whole game but breaks up environment by changing the enemies.

 Level 2 now has us heading to the right where we will be greeted by lanterns/vases dropping from the ceiling right above you, these can contain fire breathing dragons, slithering snakes, or exploding confetti all of which can be taken out with a single hit before erupting for big points or dodged afterwards for no points and possible damage. Thomas's Life bar can be weakened considerably in this area if care is not taken. By the 4th wall marker the lanterns/vases stop and the Grabbers return with their excited little friends... I was taking about the Tom Toms you sicko ehhhh your gross. The Tom Toms or midgets as we used refer to them when we were uneducated un-P.C. little kids are short acrobatic lil bastards that will either join in on the group groping or if you crouch to early they will flip over you and smack you in the head. The Tom Tom's threat is removed with one hit and the telegraphed flip attack is quickly stopped by pushing up and striking with a jump kick. Just before the end of the level I hear a familiar sound similar to the subway doors closing chime as my points roll over to 50,000 and earn me a 1up, banking 3 guys I continue on. The Boss of this Level is the Boomerang Fighter and like the knifes Boomerangs must be dodged at high or low heights but watch out because not only do they return from behind you they don't necessarily return on the same flight path. The Boomerang master can throw up to 2 at a time so I move quickly slipping between the projectiles and take him out with some swift sweep kicks tiil he lets out his scream and drops to his death. There are several Screams in the game utilized by the developers for the Bosses's defeat some Bosses share one.


Sweet a Real Dragon ! , Hi Dragon ...

Ahh why why would you do that ?!

Have a cookie

'Keep away HaHa Keep away " 


As Thomas reaches the top of the stairs Im taunted with a screen showing a tied up Sylvia sit before a running Thomas as she text screams for Thomas to help her Mr.X is heard 8 bit Laughing at me from off screen.... Bastard !!




Level 3 has us moving back towards the left side once again. A great thing about this game is that the enemies order is completely random a unique quality that keeps the game fresh for years. Theres is only HOW to defeat the enemies NOT where or when, this a rare trait helps define a great game here as it does years later in Left 4 Dead. The Grabbers return with Tom Toms in tow and the Knife thrower makes his comeback also this floor. These are all enemies that we've taken out by the dozen at this point but its the combinations that make them dangerous. Eliminating a simple Knife thrower is met with more challenge when flipping Tom Toms attack while perverts close in for the squeeze. The Boss here on 3 is inspired by Kareem Abdul Jabbar's character in the "Game of Death" he's a giant of a man that can take Thomas out with two hits. The key here is to get in fast & close and try landing some speedy crouching punches and ending it with a jump kick that will hopefully dodge the massive kick he throws at you. With the big guy down its on to the stairs.



Oww man shit!  I keep my junk there dude


Level 4 starts and you guessed it moves back to the right where we encounter holes cut out in the wall that dispense poisonous moths. This part is pretty simple as long as you don't get caught up in fighting them and quickly learn at what heights they are dangerous. If you don't learn quickly enough the moths will reduce your health bar to nothing all the while making a awful squeak noise as they suicide bomb our hero. Once past the moths at marker 4 Thomas is met with the usual tag team of Tom Toms and Pervys. On to the Fourth Boss the very tricky Magician of the Black Arts this guys a tough one. So on to the screen walks a hunchback looking chump whom will suddenly either throw a fire ball at your head or your feet or sometimes it turns in to the dragon from the lantern orrrr one of the poisonous moths... This isn't even this tip of it...  If you try to punch him in the head his head will roll backwards off his neck and explode in to a smoke cloud then a new head will appear and while your saying WTF?!?!  he absolutely will attack again. The Magician can also disappear and reappear with a illusion double that you must hit to discover if its the real one. This leaves me the only strategy of just getting in there and attacking rapidly below the neck line. Armed with 4 lives I face the ugly freak bag and just as I throw the first punch he disappears I move in to attack and Thomas refuses to punch so I quickly lose my full health bar to shock and die for the first time this article. I start the 4th floor over and head towards Quazimoto losing only minimal health I dispatch a stray Tom Tom with a kick and proceed to attack the Boss again with a combo of "Turbo" punches and kicks but once again Thomas just stands there like a dummy. Hmmm.... starting the level over once again I fool around with the big red A & B buttons on the Nes Advantage and realize that if press them down on the edges of the surface then the controller doesn't register it ahhhh I see my adult fingers are a hazard as the buttons don't present as big a target area any more. Again I arrive at my opponent and prepare to pummel him with the turbo options switched off for safety and I die exactly the same way again. With my final life in jeopardy  I pause and sadly swap out the Advantage for old faithful the original Nes controller. Due to human error I lose some health on the way to the Bastard but still make it face to face with him, I move in for the kill and get a fire ball in the face ......... *&#@!@#$%^&*^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@#$%^&**&^%$#@!!!!!!!!

I pull out the cart and place in in the Real Famicom its like Samual L Jackson said  "When you absolutely positively have to kill every Magician in the room accept no substitutes" Soo I quickly in 3 minutes make it back up to the C@(k$u*ker and totally decimate him in front of his friends and family. Then its up the stairs and on to the bastard that started all this the Evil Count Uncle I mean MR. X.

Bend over !




Level 5 starts and I am first taunted once again by Mr.X's laughter and the sight of the captive Sylvia. We then walk off to the left to finish the fight. This floor quickly meets me with an abundance of sped up Tom Toms, Grabbers and Knife Throwers. But quickly tapping the buttons on the OG Famicom pad I remove them with precision like a Shaolin Surgeon. As I approach the 5th marker a black & red dressed Mr. X comes in to view and unlike the other Bosses he steps right up to meet me as he is THE FINAL BOSS !!!! Having no compassion left for dealing with these assh*les I quickly jump up delivering a kick to his head, upon my decent im punched square in the chest losing half my health bar. I duck down to return the favor with a sweep kick and then immediately start pressing up to shoot straight up into another jumping kick to the head. Mr. X screams like bitch ( not really) and falls back to hell where he belongs along side the Magician and their Mothers.



Sweep the leg Johnny !!!




I continue to guide Thomas off screen when the game takes over and the cut scene starts by showing Sylvia being released from the chair for a firm embrace from Thomas and then the screen around them changes and new music plays as hearts flutter around the happy couple and a message is displayed congratulating both Thomas & Sylvia, the message then changes again to say "But their happiness does not continue long" Awww isn't that nice WAIT!! WHAT ?? NO!! NOOO?!!? NOOOO!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN EVRY GAH DAMN TIME !! .... couldn't they come up with another way to get you to play the game again like " Hey great job kid now try this harder mode" or " Hey play this again or well kill your Grandma" Hell Super Mario Bros changed the enemies order around and the color of the levels to make it replay-able and sh*t it was already the most replay-able game ever.






Screw you !


Well What ever I played it through again and yeah its harder which is neat but the main screen lets you pick a hard mode from jump sooo whats the point, in the Arcade it gets more of your money I get that but at home it just makes the climactic awesomeness of actually beating a game not climactic or awesome. Its still a great game one of the best even but I wish it wasn't such di*k.

Theres a Japan only sequel with very different graphics from the original and a Game Boy version that seems a mix of the two. Also it should be noted that Irems Vigilante was meant as a sequel it was in Arcades and I had it for the Turbo Grafx-16 in 1989... oh look heres a Spartan X comic made in America that I have no clue if it ties in but it has Jackie Chan in it .... Jackie Chan has been the subject of a few video games which I now think Ill do a separate article on at another time. Oh btw Jackie Chan did a film called Kung Fu Master so it really all comes full circle. Or not?